by George Gramlich,
News and Notations
Well, some good news for a change from our almost regal three musketeers. But again, a long, drawn out three-hour meeting that was painful to watch at times. So, let’s begin.
The  August 4, 2021 Custer County Board of County Commissioners meeting started at 9 a.m. with all three muskies present: Board Chair Bill Canda and members Tom Flower and Kevin Day. Two guys from Westcliffe Meats, Aaron Kemp and Montana Canterbury were in the peasants’ gallery.
Up first were some staff reports. No biggies there. Airport said the Airfest is on for August 14th. Finance said the world is good again as the new software is working well but the Treasury Office needs some help. Office of Emergency Management (OEM) said all is good there.
Next up was, hopefully, the final chapter in ‘The Saga of Westcliffe Meats Boxed Meat Fairytale’. The long, painful story of miscommunication, poor research, bureaucratic bumbling, poor data, wrong law interpretation, and an obstinate muskie with an obsession may finally be over.
Canda announces the next item on the agenda is the Modifications to Special Use Permit (SUP) 20-19, the infamous SUP granted to Westcliffe Meats (WM) to open a Meat Processing Facility on the valley floor. Canda goes over the history of this in some detail. (There were two main issues in this saga: WM had two owners when it got the original SUP: Henry Miller and his wife. They dropped Mrs. Miller when they changed LLCs and this caused the muskies and County Attorney, Clint “The Big Dipper” Smith, somehow, hours and hours of thought confusion on what to do. After endless meetings and “conversations” over MULTIPLE meetings, all was ok. Duh.
The second issue was that WM was buying wholesale boxed meat, processing it and selling it at their facility (along with meat that they had butchered there). The permit they got from the state eunuchs in Denver for the Meat Processing Facility specifically allows for this. The muskies and Smith all initially said what they were doing was not allowed in the SUP and told WM to stop doing this or there would be bad things happening to them, when suddenly, a while back, Smith discovered (by accident?) the state statute defining a Meat Processing Facility, and, shazam, it was suddenly okay (except for Flower who continually insisted that the statute doesn’t permit it. (He must be reading the CNN version of the statute. The statute’s plain reading says that this is allowable.)
Smith jumps right in after Canda’s history recital and says whoa, these changes to the SUP that the muskies want are “administrative clarifications” and NOT “modifications”. (Hmmmm. What is this?) Smith says if they were modifications the muskies must send the matter back to the Planning Board for a full review. (And that will take a least a century to finish.) But, if we call them “administrative modifications”, it magically changes as no Planning Commission review is needed. He said the original SUP had some “ambiguities” and the “administrative clarifications” language is the magical fairy dust needed to fix it. (Smith waves his little, sparkling fairy wand over the resolution, and poof, it is fixed. And Dorothy just got back to Kansas. This guy is good.)
Smith again goes over the, by now memorized, state statute regarding what WM can do. The state gave WM a “grocery store” license along with their Meat Processing Facility license and this has the muskies in an uproar as the SUP specifically didn’t mention it. The WM guys there said they had no intent on being a grocery store and only want to sell meat. We then again, start the whole grocery store/boxed meat discussion. On and on. Same stuff as all the WM/muskie meetings. (You can almost predict each sentence from each muskie before they say it.) The WM guys say all they want to do is slaughter and sell their meat and process and sell boxed meat. Period.
Canda finally moves to approve Smith’s revised 20-19 which says this is okay. Day seconds. This, of course, triggers, the same discussion all over again. The regal Jackie Hobby, the Planning and Zoning chief, chimes in saying that Vic Barnes, head of the Planning Commission (PC), contacted her and said any modifications to the original SUP must go back to the PC for their review. (Hence the Smith using the “administrative clarifications” wording and his fairy wand.) She then, for some reason, goes over what meat the state allows WM to process. Her final statement was that they can cut up chicken but can’t cut up Emus. (Cautious laughter envelopes the throne room. We love Jackie. Emus are heard screeching for joy outside.) This somehow triggers some primordial, deep emotion in The Flowers who asks Jackie, “Is fish ok?”. She say, Yup, ok, boxed salmon for an example. (We are entering Clown Town territory here now.)
Canda regains consciousness and moves to accept the resolution. Day is a yes, and somewhat surprisingly, anti-Boxed Meat Flower is a yes. Much camaraderie ensues. They are all best friends again. There is peace anew in Happy Valley. The Saga is finished. Hopefully.
Next is the selection of the committee that will recommend who gets the moolah from the $490,000 American Rescue Plan honey pot from the libs in DC (and our lovely RINO’s there). Each of the muskies submitted some names. They need five on the committee and three alternatives. Winners will be announced when they accept the position. Next is an HOUR long “discussion” on how to choose the people and how the committee is supposed to work. The Flowers lives for this bureaucratic techno in-the-weeds stuff. He is in his glory, (They talk about the how the committee is supposed to work even though they will have future meetings just on this topic.) After a LONG talkfest, they decide to pull some numbers out a hat to decide. Smith is chosen to be the hat picker. (Letting an attorney pick numbers out of a hat, I vaguely remember, is illegal in most states, but this is Happy Valley.) Believe it or not, the first try goes bad as there is not enough numbers in the hat. (Did somebody palm one? We need an audit.) Second try works. The talkfest meanderings continue. Finally they got the exalted ‘5’ and will contact them to see if they want to be on the committee. Names will be released when they accept.
The final item in this journey is that the muskies want a maintenance contract for county owned buildings to cover building contracting, plumbing, electrical and HVAC. It was decided Canda would work up a proposed contract and the royalty will discuss this at the next meeting.
That be it, folks.